Wednesday, December 8, 2010

my body and I

my accomplishments
my downfalls
my beauty.
it's all here. right here, on my body.

I have been through a lot in this vessel
this machine
this construct of bones and flesh and muscle

I have hurt myself
cutting flesh
mutilating insides
destroying dreams
picking skin
bitting nails
ripping hair
eating disorders
broken bones
ripped tendons
open wounds in my heart.

I have done so much to myself
I used to depend on people to depend on me
I lived off of it, breathed it
"maybe if I fix them, my problems go away"
I was wrong
I was terrible
and I hurt

the worst thing you can do is hurt yourself
and I did it
I sometimes still do, little things, when I am not thinking

if it hurts, why do I still do this?
people still love me
live off of my help
my words
my breath
but I cant seem to grasp that.

I dont need to live your life and fix your problems
it just creates more for me

but I need you.

1 comment:

  1. It's the hardest part, isn't it? Like an addiction. It's easiest to want to help other people get through their issues because it becomes easier with each person to forget or ignore your own. It's an escape for people like us.