Sunday, March 31, 2013

this isnt poetic. actually, it's really dumb.

I think I have givin up on people. friends, family, a lot of just stupid, useless, shitty people. I want to complain about how shitty everyone is, but really, I just need to stop putting up with it.
now, do I delete half the people from my facebook or delete it?

sweater weather

leave your marks upon my skin
in places I forgot I still had
touch my curves and kiss my limbs
remind me where I really am.
take my wrists and place my hands
onto holds I cannot see
i'll lift my legs and wait for you
hands raised, to catch me.
force me to look into the mirror
and see who I can be
coax me gently with honest words
I'll try my hardest to find the best me.

Saturday, March 30, 2013

nothing much.

you're just a college drop-out, sitting next to your cat, wondering where your dreams went.
as a child, you dreamed of being an astronaut. you thought the universe would give you all the space
and you wouldn't have to be stuck on this tiny world.
now, you realize there isn't much to this place.
not matter where you go, you are seeing the same routines, the same smiles
the same cup of coffee.
you long for the universe to pull you in, still
maybe one day you'll get lucky, win the lottery
find hidden treasure
get rich quick.
will that really support your appetite?
I doubt it will quell your hunger, I imagine it will only seduce it.
you think sitting here, typing on a computer, maybe someone will see you?
see you for who you really are
pay for you to write for them
make you feel immortal just because you think you are special
hell, maybe they'll even fall in love with you.

that isn't how life works, it shouldn't be that way
get up off your ass and do it yourself
no one is handing you a silver platter.

Friday, March 29, 2013


sometimes it feels like there is a hole inside me... a pit that things fall into
maybe they get trapped deep in there, or maybe they find their way somewhere else

memories can take over the brightest parts of your soul. the blue skies i saw yesterday seem like a distant land..
but vice versa, the rain I feel on my skin can bring the happiest feelings to me.

I am terrified. I havent been able to let everything out lately. I dont know how to recover those things that fall into that pit.
like love, trust, understanding.

every day I feel like i am holding back
holding back a smile, a laugh, a few words that might change everything
because maybe i'll fall back again
maybe you'll learn about the dark things I can't change
or maybe you'll embrace them
embrace me
every part

I feel imortal
and i dont know how to handle it.

i wish i wasnt afraid.

I am not the demons that lurk in my past
but I am still scared of them
i still want to run

please catch me.

Thursday, March 28, 2013

force it out*

don't pick me flowers
I do not deserve the kind
cut and pruned, pulled away from where they thrive
keep them living, I'll stay alive.

don't buy me jewelry
these tokens I do not need
gold chains won't bring us closer
the size of cut gemstones do not prove loyalty.

take me outdoors
open these material eyes
let us lie upon that field of flowers
let us stare up at the gemstones of the night sky

*this is awful. I hope no one reads this.

walk alone (repost from 2011)

Everybody has a secret, a past that looms over your shoulders and kisses every breath and thought and every word.
Everybody walks alone, everybody feels neglect in a world of over used text and screens.
Have you ever felt alone in a room full of people? Have you ever had to console yourself when no one else was listening?
You have so much potential, all of you, but you don't use it.
Nothing is holding you back, nothing but yourself.
Stand up, play your music,

I'm so tired

stand at the bottom, look up and see
every hand-hold brings you a little closer to me
trust your feet, relax your hands
let your breath out, expand your arms...

I recently picked up climbing again. I feel like overtaking the world
I am only at the beginning of the tunnel. I have so much further to go
with climbing, with living, with love
sometimes I turn around and see the embers I have walked through
and the creek beds that have cooled my toes
I feel the scars from thorn bushes, barb wire, and more.

I have so much more to walk through
maybe some old paths, but thankfully, there will always be something new
there is a first time for everything
but the middle counts too.
if you're at the center of the tunnel, instead of running for the light at the end
why not rest? these walls are so lonely
they have been here for so long, waiting for another companion...

slip off your shoes, love
feel the rock beneath your feet
blindly reach for those hand holds
you never know who you might meet.