Maybe one day I'll return
Happier.
What you saw that night wasn't the old me
It was the new side
The side of giving up
Letting loose all that shit you held me to.
I'm not the girl you first met
I'm more confused than I've ever been
And I understand that now.
You're not the person that I first met either
You're quieter
Stronger
And more afraid of showing a weakness.

She's a disaster with a drink in her hand
A raging mistake with tattoos of proof
And they laugh at the way she holds herself
When her blood is running clear.
Beware the alcohol
For the words you say will be forgotten
The laughter you cause will be out of spite
The affection shared - titled in vein.

You'll hate yourself to the very end
Until the bridge is looking higher each day.

Depress

Flowing from my fingertips
Words I can't control
Streaming live from my mind
I can't tell what thought I crave more.
Work all day to regret all night
And sleep and dream and pray
One day, everything will be better
The rat will win the race.
Forget everything you taught yourself
Because you're wrong, wrong, wrong
Nothing will change the steps you take
Just strangers keeping you strong.
Life is a warpath
A tank built for self destruction
Drop the bombs on the infidels
Drop your sense of self control.

Of men and robots

It's watching the clock tick in reverse
Reaching for the phone when it's already in your other hand
The feeling in your stomach that's far from full
And too heavy to hold anything else.
It's being too old to laugh at the age appropriate jokes
And too young to laugh at the drinkers
Stirring your coffee with your finger because asking for a spoon would raise your anxiety higher.
It's wanting to tell everyone
And screaming it at yourself instead
Hours of nodding and agreeing
Because you don't feel like bringing up the subject.
I'm worthless and lonely
But everyone I know would disagree
Yet that means nothing to me
Because I'll never be able to change the station in my mind.
The one that is telling me to drink more burnt coffee at midnight
Sing more distorted songs about love I'll never feel
And regret every time I didn't heed their warnings
Because I'm too damn stubborn to change