Friday, October 29, 2010

Your pathetic beliefs

"Through the Looking Glass". That poem, "The Walrus and the Carpenter," that's an indictment of organized religion. The walrus, with his girth and his good nature, he obviously represents either Buddha, or, or with his tusks, the Hindu elephant god, Lord Ganesha. That takes care of your Eastern religions. Now the carpenter, which is an obvious reference to Jesus Christ, who was raised a carpenter's son, he represents the Western religions. Now in the poem, what do they do? What do they do? They, they dupe all these oysters into following them and then proceed to shuck and devour the helpless creatures en masse. I don't know what that says to you, but to me it says that following these faiths based on mythological figures ensures the destruction of one's inner being. Organized religion destroys who we are by inhibiting our actions, by inhibiting our decisions out of, out of fear of some, some intangible parent figure who, who shakes a finger at us from thousands of years ago and says, and says, "Do it... do it and I'll fuckin' spank you."
- Loki from Dogma

The only time I have ever agreed with religion was this movie.
I recently posted on FB a over-stretched opinion about abortion
Yes, I believe in it.
to which two angry christians (they have to always be angry over something) attacked my opion, using "the force of god" and all that they think is right.

I don't go on your page and attack your beliefs
I dont mention how creepy it is that you "drink his blood" and "eat his soul" or whatever those little bread deals are
or that you bow your head and talk like some imaginary friend is listening
or come into your house, or your car, or anywhere close to your property and rant about your god being a lie
a made up thing to make you feel better about yourself.

The only person who hasnt shoved it down my throat is technically a christian (LDS)
and through thick in thin, through my struggles and blow ups and hard times
she only once put religion on my plate, and that was when I asked her to.

I dont get why it's so hard for people to bite thier tounges
I dont understand why you post how weak you are all over your internet domains, cars, clothings, or skin
but I dont come up to you and say its wrong

so shut the fuck up, or get the fuck away.

Thank you kindly.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

small rant

Alright, so yes, we all reproduce
It's wonderful, it's "Gods gift", it's a miracle
But we can only say "congratulations!" so many times
your Facebook is YOUR Facebook
Not your baby's
so I understand posting preggo pictures with small "yup, still an oven" updates, but they don't seem to ever stop after you push out the darn thing. Also, videos start.
Posting 8 pictures a day with your status updates only being about your baby and their pooping, noises, sleep schedule, etc. is not what I am friends with you on FB for
I am friends with you because I want to hear how you are doing, and see pictures of you. I understand one or two pictures a week, or small updates, but every single one?I don't know, maybe I'm not making any sense, This technology ridden world full of enternet hype and no person to person communication is getting to me.
Spend more time with your kid then posting crud about them on FB.

Thank you, Blogspot. Have a good one.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Lackluster and full of contempt

When it always ends the same

I want to bite into food that makes me cry
I want to talk until my mouth waters and flows into the ocean
I want to spin and spin and spoon and scream
I want to feel like I'm alive, for the first time in weeks.

I don't want to have this numb, beating feeling in my head like everything that we stand for is going to fall apart real soon
I want to stop having sad, scary, ridiculous dreams
I want pathetic, scared people to walk their sad, disfigured bodies up to me and apologize
I want them to beg for a second chance, to explain how good times used to be
and put some god damn feeling in it.

This isn't Shakespeare, damn you, this isn't a stage
anyone can learn to act
but no one should have to learn to live.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Every day I sign on to blogspot, looking for new post to read, scrapeing my mind for something to write, think, or rant about. Everyday, I want to post and scream and show you my insides
from my bright mind to my dark heart to my always hungry stomach, I dig and I peel at the layers holding a post back.
Every day when I log on, I look at my readers and every once in awhile, I have a new subscriber. I am currently up to ten readers.
I am still suprised that people want to read about my exsistance, but there is a few things I am not sure I'll be able to post about
The big one is religion. Why? because God-fearing people can rant all they want about being saved and being loved and having a shit-filled day, but "it's okay, because I love you and I serve you and no matter what happens one day will be glorious."
That, my dear readers, is not how I live. I live off of Karma, off of late nights and sleep-filled mornings. Long drives to work, falling short on gas money, and making friends who are there for me.
I dont live off of the thoughts of an afterlife, being with my family forever, sitting on a could of fluffy white. I've had religion around me my whole life, but it will never be my bag of tricks.
and if one day, God walks up to me and shakes his finger at me, then I'll take it. But until then
I'll live life
for myself.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Monday, October 18, 2010

Another post on age.

You're 19 and a half. You've always been there, you're just farther away then I want you to be. You're strong, and you can be just a phone call away, but the thousands of miles can rip me apart. Things are hard right now for you, but don't turn your back on the rest of the world just because of the skeletons chasing you. I'll always be here, just call out my name, baby girl.

You're 20 now, and you're posting barely-covered pictures of yourself on face book. you're going half-naked to raves, probably talking yourself up about how you don't do drugs, but sweetie, your boy-toy is going to start taking them, then you will, or your brother, then sooner or later you'll be a regular with all of the 16 year-old girls. Your relationships will fall to pieces, your friends will become even more few and far-between, and you'll blame everybody but yourself. I guess some things never change.

You're 21, girl, and you're one of the most mature people I hang around. You're smart, fun, and strong. You've been through a lot, we have shared some moments together, and we get each other. Your wittiness makes me roll over laughing, you kick my butt with the stories you tell me, and I always come back to hear more. We're still getting to know each other, but with you this close to me, I feel invincible. You're beautiful, and no one could ever change that.

You're 22 now. You're trying your hardest to ruin friendships, make enemies and diving into your alcoholic beverages like they're a swimming pool or a bible. Nothing you do can save you, every day you're slowly falling down a steep hill, hitting every ugly rock on the way down. You're disgusting from the inside out, every one looks down at you. You call yourself mature, when you act like a bitch that's heading the junior high cheer squad. You go out of your way to ruin people's days when you think they're "below" you. You're in the deepest, ugliest pit you could ever fall in. There is no coming out.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

This song gets me every time

I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this: the fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty and the moonlight overthrew you
She tied you to a kitchen chair
She broke your throne, she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe I've been here before
I know this room, I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

There was a time you let me know
What's real and going on below
But now you never show it to me, do you?
And remember when I moved in you
The holy dark was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Maybe there's a god above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you

It's not a cry you can hear at night
It's not somebody who's seen the light
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I guess all it takes is a warm autumn day
leaving work early with a smile on your face
for you to remember an emotion
the same situation, just months before
and you remember the feeling
but the one you felt isn't the same as the one now.
right now.
your feelings changed?
when did this happen?
why didn't I see it?

it's always happening
your feelings are always getting excited, getting used to it, getting over it, finding something new.

and baby, It's time for something new.
I'm like Eevee
always evolving
and you have your favorites
but you just cant help but drool over the thought of what power and grace you will have next.

I choose this.

Monday, October 11, 2010

I cant help but want to help you.

Baby girl
we have our ups and our downs
but my heart is only beating because you kept it that way.
you know my dark past, and you welcome my every flaw
with your smiling eyes and your warm arms
and I know life is hard right now
and I cant help but want to drive a thousand miles to see your happy face
and to buy a pint of rocky road
and cry on the valley view roof
"if only things were how they used to be"
"why does the world have so much bad in it?"
lets watch I Love Lucy and The Wizard of OZ and talk about boys and how gross they are (but they can be good kissers)
just talk to me baby.
I know I cant feel what you are feeling
but my feelings towards you alllll the way over there
not communicating with me
makes me understand.

Friday, October 8, 2010

Cosmic Love - Florence

A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes
I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

And in the dark, I can hear your heartbeat
I tried to find the sound
But then it stopped, and I was in the darkness,
So darkness I became

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

I took the stars from our eyes, and then I made a map
And knew that somehow I could find my way back
Then I heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too
So I stayed in the darkness with you

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out
You left me in the dark
No dawn, no day, I'm always in this twilight
In the shadow of your heart

Thursday, October 7, 2010

I'm not sure I'll be able to function today
yesterday was a wacky-doodle day
about 7 weird things popped up yesterday
I can't remember if I slept well
but working and thinking... even sitting up feels funny
like there's a sticky filmy cover over everything
I think today should be saturday.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Latest update.

Life seems to be getting better and better!
it's almost Halloween, which means I need to work on my costume
my boyfriend just bought a fantastic car from his wonderful mother

it's almost November, which means my dream job is weeks away
I loooove the holiday season
and on Monday I get to go watch WWE RAW live with a great friend from high school
also, I have made a new, wonderful, honest best friend
life is looking up :)
Thank you all for your love and support <3

my day just got 4859043 times better.
work just did the best backflip it could ever do
and I am heading to the best place
life. freaking. rocks.
holy gosh.

I hope yours is good too!
-more detail later-

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Your heart

Is safe in my pocket
I'll sew it and keep it
and never tell your secrets.
This world of ours
will be none for the taking
swearing and curtsying our way out of things.
We'll start fires
and glue rhinestones all over this town
baby, us together
no one can take our crown.
I accept your friendship
we'll form it through truth and jeers
girl, with you as my jester
we will conquer this world with no fears.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Number one hundred

Today is "change your profile picture to your favorite villain" on Facebook. Since I love comics and the fight between good and bad, right and wrong, I googled my favorite comic series, The Sandman by Neil Gaiman. After clicking through pages of clips that I have always loved, of Death, Desire, Lucifer, Dream, and Oden, I realized something; all of the reoccurring characters can be described as villains.
The books are usually centered around Dream (Morpheus) who starts out in a struggle of freedom, to finding his necessary instruments, to rebuilding his relm and taking back over the dreaming. Morpheus can create good dreams, but in all, he is a cold, dark being that creates nightmares. He banished someone who loved him to hell, because they did not listen to him. Morpheus is a Villian
There are characters worse than Morpheus, such as Lucifer, Loki, and even Desire, which brought me to think more on the family of The Endless. The family consists of Death, Dream, Desire (who is twins with) Despair, Destruction, Delirium, and Destiny.
I began reading The Sandman comics when I was younger, then picked them back up in high school, and recently (my fantastically amazing) boyfriend bought me the Absolute edition, which is four books with extra drawings, information, and unseen issues. I have read them adoring the seven family members, and falling in love with Death and Delirium. Until today, nothing seemed out of ordinary, until I realized that in human eyes, these seven are the villains in our eyes. Nobody wants to die, have nightmares, or go insane.
Neil, you just blew my mind. You created characters that one normally hates and is scared of, and made them loving and beautiful.
Just sharing my thoughts :) Happy Friday, and 100 posts!