Sunday, January 26, 2014

Some days I hate who I am. I've always been a person that works better around others. When I can't get that interaction that keeps me positive, I go into status lock.
Why is everything so dark In my head? Why does everything mirror and reach out? When I was a teenager I could just go for a run and scream it out, listen to my music and quote inspiration. I'm lucky if I wake up happy, and not feeling vengeful towards myself.
I don't think I'll ever love myself fully. I would rather someone else hold that responsibility.
I trust you more than I could ever trust me.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

so i sit alone

and contemplate my feelings.
the thoughts that I let drift in and out of my brain
if only those little thoughts were ladybugs and butterflies
I would have the healthiest garden.

can i quit?

Thursday, January 9, 2014

it's days like these

I'm sitting on my bed
wearing a wolf ear hat
watching my cat try to nonchalantly take over my keyboard
I'm on my fifth, make that sixth refill of water in my 32 oz bottle
I cant decide if I want to take a bath or go to bed early.
and today was a good day
the first day of my anti-depressants
and I am content at where I am right now in this world.
I am not worried about the past
the future seems so exciting at this point in time
and I am so happy with how content I am.
well, there goes the left side of the keyboard. thanks cat.

I am suddenly feeling like such an adult
and I am too comfortable to worry about it. 

Monday, January 6, 2014


I don't want to work 9-5 just to stay alive
I want to be happy where I am
wherever I find myself.
I want to walk into the kitchen
and not hear my mom sobbing about her unaccounted for daughter at Christmas
or see my father and never see a forced smile.
I want to forever have this smell on my skin
of sweat and dust and new beginnings.
I want to go to bed
and not worry what mood i might be in when i wake in the morning.
I want us to both promise to never leave
to forgive and forget
to keep trying until there are no options left.