Tuesday, April 12, 2011

i want to sit in your kitchen
and watch your every move
i want to sneak in your windows
and fill every crack with my wonder
i want to write a story
and fill you with this ocean in my mind
leave your back door ajar
unlock the dead bolt and shiver in fear
lie awake at night listening to every false step and branch against the window
wishing it was me
want me in your bedroom
feel me in your veins
wake and quake and fear the feelings
wake and feel the waves.

Friday, April 8, 2011

I really wonder

if people are as dumb as they act.
is it a show? do you really think this gets you positive attention or friends?

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

My great big octopus heart.

I have been hurt before, as many people have. I have given love to many people, friends, boyfriends, family, nature. I am sometimes rejected, sometimes forgotten, but mostly returned that love.
in the many relationships that i have had, I have noticed one thing about myself.
I give, and give, and love, and give.
I realize now it is a bit more within reason
as in I think before I give
and give
but man, I love to give.
I really enjoy making people happy
and I don't plan on sounding like a jerk
but I am a good, loyal, giving heart, and I know that about me.
it's nothing to ever boast or scream about, just something I need to remind myself when I feel unhappy or question myself.
a few months ago, I had a dream about an octopus, but really it was a human heart with tentacles. I cant remember why I dreamed it or what it did, I just know I loved it, and I felt like it explained my personal satisfaction easily. A large heart with arms, handing out whatever makes you happy.

So, in lieu of my 21st birthday, I feel like I need to commemorate myself. I'm going to be twenty one years old. I know there is more to come, and that every year will feel better as it comes, but this is me leaving behind my childhood, my fears, my nightmares and thoughts that will go away with determination.

I wrote this blog for two reasons. One is to easily explain why I want a large octopus taking over my arm, and the other is to ask you as a birthday present to yours truly, to present me with birthday money to add to my art. My birthday is not until august, and any little bit will help, as every one of my friends has touched my heart, and will never be forgotten.

Thank you for reading.