Sunday, January 23, 2011

I have a soul mate

and nothing will ever drive us apart.

"I've got on my secret smile no one can see, but can feel it."

Ønsker På En Mælkebøtte.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

in strange places

Every day I look for inspiration in the world around me
I go on websites and look at beautiful works of art
I look at pictures from around the world
of beautiful places, of human or nature
and no matter what, I cant find that inspiration.
The only way I have found inspiration is if a wonderful or strange event happens
or I read wonderful, well written, emotional pieces of art
and I have found a new artist in a place I never thought to look.
I have heard her talk about her blogs, and how she doesn't think she is that wonderful
but every time there is a new post on my dashboard, I cant wait to open the book into her mind, heart, and soul, and read encrypted stories of a young girl who cant wait to learn
every word is golden
chosen precisely for its sentence
written with love and care and thoughtfulness.
every time I read, I decode the picture she posted
and think back on times when we were younger
and I can't help myself from stopping and thinking about how far she has come
and how far she still has to go
but she will welcome it with wide open arms and a warm, adventuring smile
because I have never known her to turn down an adventure.
you're wonderful, darling
thank you for the flowers.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Hello there

I feel like I haven't written in months. I know its been days, but... my brain is so messy right now.
if it was a circuit board, trees would be growing out of it.
I don't really feel like writing
that's really it.
I have been talking to people, instead of poetically throwing my mind onto a computer screen
also, I have been wanting to make art recently
metal craft
leather working
just not sitting here, in front of a computer

when did people skills go out of style?

Tuesday, January 4, 2011


cutting away skin is a form of mutilation
tearing back the shell that hides your good things
the weird part is, the shell is prettier than the insides
skin can scar, tan, freckle, wrinkle, be coarse, smooth, and tender
but insides are always red, puffy, bloody, sensitive
easy to hurt
they don't scar easily
and no matter how hard to try to tighten your zippers and button your buttons
your skin can scar and tighten and strengthen
but your heart will always be fragile
your stomach can ulcer, twist, shrink and grow
your liver can darken, shrivel, and die
but something will wriggle its way in
find a dark corner and turn out your insides
this soft flesh is not armor
its just there to keep the stage clean
like curtains
or is it the other way around?

I wish i could love my insides
they are supposed to matter
but sometimes they just turn to jello
or stink
or maggots
and I turn stupid
or gross
or rotten
and I just wish I could control it.

I'll just get more zippers
and fasten some locks.

you cant break me,
only i can

Monday, January 3, 2011

i cant really think straight

its just confusing
to be completely honest
because i know breaking it off is the right thing.
I adore you, I love everything about you
well, not everything
but you don't love everything about me

maybe we could rekindle the flames?
it would eventually end for better
or worse
and I cant loose you
i would rather let you go

I don't write about you like I used to
i don't know how to touch you
i could have just kept quiet and tried
but i didn't
I don't want this to happen
but it has to

maturity has to win here
I can do this
for maturity
for all of the rash decisions i have ever made
I have to be strong and start now

what should I do?
should I clean?
turn into a pool of jello on the bed?

I could have kept this going
it wouldnt have lasted
better to end it now than keep it going
I can do this
this is right

what is wrong?
is touching his stuff wrong?
I have never had a break this clean
I feel the awkward bars
but they dont need to be there
this is best for both of us
maybe it will change?

i miss us already