Thursday, November 25, 2010


I am thankful for my dad. As a child, my dad was never who I wanted him to be, and he never seemed to want three brats running around. as I got older, he got colder, and everything he said hurt. when I dyed my hair, he wouldn't look at me. When I pierced my lip, he wouldn't talk to me. I started feeling a bit more understanding when my brother followed my path. He didn't hate me, he just didn't like anything out of his square. one day, after the torment of not being his star, year after year, I gave up. I didn't have to see him, it was up to me now, because of the divorce. I stopped asking him to come over, as did James, and when only my older sister wanted to see him, he got the hint. Something hit him at age 44, he realized his kids didn't want to see him because of how cold he was. He started accepting people for who they were, not who they wanted to be. He now sees two guys holding hands, shrugs, and says "its what they want to do, let them".
I am thankful for what I call his recovery. I enjoy having a father, and every day it's getting better.

I am thankful for my mom, because even when my sister points out her weaknesses and faults, I can only point out how she took care of us, always wanted us to be happy, and tried year after year to push us to be better. I love the fact that we had little money, but she would take us shopping to cheer us up. she would work mornings, and come home to a house full of screaming brats because our dad wouldn't feed us. she would make us lunch, clean up, make us dinner, and watch a silly 90's TV show with us, or the mariners. Every Christmas, she would buy as much as she could to keep us smiling, and usually played tricks on us, like the year she gave James socks and underwear, then held off for every gift to be unwrapped to give him his Xbox. he cried.
I am thankful for my Umar, because through every stupid thing that I did, she was there for me, doing the best a mother could to keep this crazy girl grounded. I could never do or say enough to repay her.

I am thankful for Katie. Well, I shouldn't say that, I am thankful for her whole family. Katie and I found each other in 1st grade, 14 years ago, and since that day all she ever wanted was me to be happy. She invited me to family dinners, to sleepovers, and we were like sisters the moment we met. She is my soul mate, and I could never deny that. When I did unruly things, she would always say "I just want you to be happy" and she would mean it. When I was younger, I always had my birthday party early because she would go to Utah every summer, and as the time I hated and resented it, but now that I am older I understand.
Every time that I go to her house, her family welcomes me like I am a relative they are excited to see. Her mom offers me (the most delicious) dinners, her siblings get along with me, and in every family or food prayer, they always mention how thankful they are for me being in their life, and ask for my safety. I never really thought about it til now, but them praying for me is their way of keeping me safe, and I definitely am okay with that.
I am thankful that I met such an amazing friend, coupled with such an amazing family.

This year I made a decision, and that decision was to change who I used to be into someone better. I forced myself to chose between my old style of unhappiness, or to drop that old feeling for something new. I couldn't go on feeling controlled and unhappy, I didn't want to be the star of the show anymore, and I am glad I am now backstage, writing my own story.
I am thankful for Shane, and the few friends I kept after the separation from the old group.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, my lovelies.

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