Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Everything to gain.

Have you ever felt so lost, you feel found?
Things are hectic, my life is looking up, way up. I have an amazing man-friend (cause who dates boys anymore?), I'm slowly moving my shit from point A to point B, and I'll be 20 in just a few short weeks.
But there are things that have been getting to me.
I understand people are busy, I am as well, but the one person, my other half, is busier than a bee. She's roadtripping and hanging out with her guy and having fun, but I feel neglected. I know our bond is beyond skin, but I feel naked with how little I've talked to her. I know my 'heart will go on', but I cant help buy want to cry when I see her post tons of comments about her "wifey" and "favorite girls". It makes me feel like an outdated fur coat that sits in a closet year round, just to be passed up for a new insulated one that doesnt look as flashy.
Number two, my body has been betraying me. I need to work out and climb and hike and eat healthy, but I feel dull and drained whenever I attempt anything. I'm not sure WHAT this vessel is doing, but can I trade it in for a submarine? My joints are falling apart, my stomach is a mess, and my emotions flex with the pains. I don't know how anyone can stand me.
I am excited, though, because it's almost August, which means almost my birthday, and my bestie promised she WOULD be this year, unlike the many years she has left the state. It also means that seasonal is comming, and Fred Meyer Jewelers wants me back (:D) so I'll have two part time jobs, and FMJ has been my favorite job EVER.

As a reminder to those reading, this is just what has been on my mind, sorry if I make anyone feel bad, I just need to get out those feelings.

1 comment:

  1. I don't know if my last comment went through or not, but I LOVE you! And I want to see you! And I miss you!!!! I really really really really can't wait until next week. You are gorgeous and wonderful, and I really want you to come talk to me when you are feeling sad. I LOVE YOU.