it's like painting a base coat
and letting it weather
watching the protective barrier scrape away
then trying to paint over without any faults.
a year can seem like forever
but some days the reminders are too much
so I fight my brain and smile and smile
because nobody likes a broken record.
I breathe deep and I think of your words
I think of Chicago and home and of your hands
and I sometimes forget how easy it is to slip
the darkness and I go together well.
and maybe one day I will find my fix
but I hope it's already here
because I am working hard and I can try to do my best
because this is my mess to tidy
and I never want to leave it to anyone else
because I love it too much to fail again.