I have been a wreck.
I have been sick and achy and grumpy and gross.
I've been taking it out on my boyfriend, and letting the things in my life I should attack headfirst stab me and scare me, 'cause I am too much of a pussy to face them head on... so here they are.
We were friends, great friends for a good few years or less. We became close and goofy, and you were there for me, I will admit that. You were a great friend when I was in tears over a boy. But if I ever had a riff with you, it was always my fault. You would look at me in a condescending manner and purse your lips, you would stab me to death with your words and destroy my feelings, and then the next day act like nothing ever happened. "Sorry" is not in your vocabulary, you're too good for "sorry's", too damn proud. Your lack of apologies left me broken and hurt, and I seeked revenge, and to this day I hope you hurt when you think about me, and about the other people in your life you destroy. You probably think I forgave you. I didn’t, and I never will until you are crying at my feet and begging. Then, maybe, just maybe, I'll consider it.
I love you, very very much. I have been close to you for a long time, and I hope you are okay with me moving out and growing up, this is what I need to do, I can't be there anymore, it's in the past and I need to overcome what I used to be.
Okay, maybe I've been a tad bit jealous. That's a lie; I've become extremely jealous of you and your family. I have known you 7/10ths of my life, you have been there day in and day out, in spirit, in messages... but that's not enough for me anymore. You post about friends that share the same religion as you, and you talk about how much you love them and how much they mean to you, but you rarely mention me. I know I'm becoming needy, but you would talk about me being your best friend my whole life, and now all the sudden you have more best friends, ones that can do religious things with you and praise god and blah blah... what happened to me? What happened to jumping off of decks and talking for hours on end at night? I know I'm not part of your family, or your religion, but you're dumping me. Half of this summer you've had to reschedule almost all of our days together. You've changed, you aren’t the little girl I walked up to anymore, and I'm afraid you'll soon be the girl I'm walking away from. I can’t be leftovers anymore, or your occasional treat, I want to be #1 again, or at least in the top 5, but right now I'm the bottom of the barrel, and I've slowly had to let myself loose you.
HEY YOU! Yes, you. You are an amazing girl, and you are working so hard at something that makes you happy. I want to help you with everything, I want to give you all my paychecks and buy all your art and spend a rediculous amount of time with you. You are so sweet, and funny, and talented, and you are SO NOT at teenage girl, you have always acted mature. you are a brilliant individual, and I hope to see you go far and always be happy.
Alright, those are directed towards the 4 people I have been thinking the most about recently, besides my Constant, who is as amazing as always.
Happy Friday the 13th!