Saturday, June 15, 2013

it was easy coming back to you

I'm a little broken right now, anyone that can scroll down can diagnose that.
remember being young, and seeing every disney romance?
every white picket fence, every smiling parent?
being a product of my parents was not an easy feat
at twelve, I watched the duo that brought me into this world fall apart
there was no man behind a curtain, no mask to keep me safe.
I dyed my hair, pierced my lip, tore and cut flesh
painted, screamed, yelled, and ran
I promised myself I would never let anyone hurt me like that again
I would get married one day, and stay with that person through thick and thin.
ten years after their divorce, I am looking at that picket fence, wanting to be on the other side
I want to water the grass and fix the chimney
plant flowers and give everything a new paint job
but I can't.
I have been through so much emotional turmoil that "only time will heal me"
and I am staring at the clock, but the second hand never moves.
I just want to open that gate, but I need someone on the other side to walk towards
and I wish I didn't need that person.
all I want with my life is to be happy, and feel loved, and to be held
and it's slowly killing me that I will have to wait for that.
I keep being told that this is a good thing, and I need to accept myself
find myself
but what the fuck am I looking for?
I don't want to be happy alone
I just want to change with you by my side
and I am slowly pushing you away.
please, don't go.

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