I hate reading my writing.

stand up and tell me how
you walked into this life and stole my thoughts
I'm stuck in a world of confusion and closed doors
wondering when I will be able to open up
and try again
some days I feel like I am moving in slow motion
but those days can make me smile
because other days I feel like I haven't moved at all.
some days I feel like i am still two thousand miles east
and your actions stick in my mind
the things you said
and the actions you never took
they fucked me up more than i will ever understand.
I tried so hard
I put my all into that relationship
and now I don't know how to get those hours back
the compromises i made and the smiles I held
they fell into a box I will never be able to open
and its *so hard* to look forward
when I feel like I am stuck at a bottom of a lake
I can breathe and think
I just cant move
and this just makes me hate myself.

when I am alone I cant get these thoughts away from me
these feelings out of my veins
and I can never tell if i am being fair to you
or myself
just keeping the dark thoughts away might not work forever.