I have a half marathon to run tomorrow

and part of me is terrified
some of me is excited
but most of myself... I'm just glad I'm even going to try it.
If i crap out at mile 6, and just cant do it
then fine
but what are you doing with your time?
I would love to make it to mile 13 in the 4 hour time limit
and baby, you better smile, and say good job
could you do that for me?
I dont need a huge welcome party
this is all for me
and like I said, if i cant finnish, then hell
atleast I started.

I could wile away the hours

in your arms
with every kiss the sun would grow stronger
my skin would grow warmer
my eyelids getting heavier.
with every caress I could slowly drift away
into a sweet, summery slumber
in your arms, listening to you breathe
and tell me you love me.
I could sleep wrapped in that toy-story blanket
covered in kisses
with lady-bug hair barrettes
and home-made sandwiches.
I could make this last forever
just stay wrapped in your worm-hole of love
falling oh so lightly
not worrying where I'm going to land.
Lets live like this forever.

you know it doesnt have to be perfect

but sometimes it feels like everything falls into place
like this was meant to be
like this is perfect.
every smile
all the emotions we share
we're golden.
we're fixing eachothers breaks and sprains
and building supports for new bridges.
we are strong and goofy and full of fun
with wonder and muscle and the want for more and more
you're amazing.

perfect photographs

The days keep getting better
the memories just keep on building
the love growing in my chest.
I adore you
your smiling kisses
your alcohol laughs
the way you sit back and look at me.
Life couldn't get much better than this.

my life.

I like lists.
Michael Jackson and Conk Crew changed my life.
I want to run with the bulls.
I've conquerd figurative and literal mountains.
I want to be a wife someday.
I like nic-names.
I cant wait for this fall
I love autumn
if my name wasnt fantastic, I would change it to Autumn.
if I could I would only wear dresses
I need to model more.
I love animals.
I want to cover my body with ink.
I will cry my eyes out the day they tear down Valley View.
I want Utah to be 880 miles closer.
I am excited to be 20.
I'm never going to grow up.
<3

you're so much stronger than the friends you keep

Everybody else's wrinkle lines
their grey hairs
their bulging, pale old eyes.
You look at them in wonder
you see age as a growing tool
the older you are, the more mature.
I see 40 year old's making mistakes I did 3 years ago
maybe I'm maturing faster
or this is easier than it looks.
Just because they are older
does not mean they are wiser
it's based upon the mistakes you make
and what you do to better yourself from them.
It's the heartbreaks and the walls you build
or the motes you dig
or still keeping your bleeding heart on your sleeve
for the world to see.
Maybe it's fighting with yourself to be better
or happier
or to just live long enough to get the hell out of this town.
whatever it is
do it
and fight it
and work yourself to the bone.
you are your greatest failure
you are your greatest success story
you are your harshest critic.

It's something close to breaking glass

but only it's flesh and bones.
It's wanting to turn around and run back
just to hear their laugh and see them again
just to sit down and waste time.
But I hate wasted time.
Right now, that's what I'm doing
wanting to sprint to you and tell you I'm sorry and I was wrong
but I'm not sorry
and I was right to do this.
I need to change
but baby, so do you
but you might never realise it.
You might just roll your eyes
and stab with your tongue
(it's what you do best)
and make me drown in words you wont let me get out.
This battle shouldn't be happening, but it is
I don't know how, or when, or if we will resume
but I do know you are an amazing person...
and we all have battles
and we all need to rethink strategies
not just build more armor.

For my roots.

Dandelion oh dandelion
where will your seeds plant this fall
in the forest, near the trees?
in my heart, in my hair
in my lungs, then spread to my toes.
Dandelion you're so strong
you root deep and blow askew
Dandelion, you're always here for me.
I'll always pick you
and blow your seeds to the wind
to Bankok, Bejing, The Great Wall
to Africa
but Dandelion please,
don't be afraid to come home
'cause Dandelion, baby
I need you to help me grow.

happy birthday <3

It's a breeze flowing through a crack in a window

A scratched record you just can’t help but play
The beginning to a movie that makes you smile
A few words that got lost along the way.
You’re a kiss on my shoulder
Stories that are dying to be told
A campfire that could warm me through
And baby, I'm already calling you 'home'

subtle variations of blue.

Slowly, things fall together
clockwork
empty ink pens
flowers opening to the sunlight.
I've been starting the puzzle all wrong
beginning with the center
but really, you should start with the outside
start with the border
and work your way in
begin with the soil to make your garden grow
run to first base for a cheer.
which came first,
the honesty?
or the extacy...
the breaking
the mending...
or realizing you were never broken to begin with
just looking in the wrong mirror.

with love.

I'll admit it.
Lately, I've been selfish.
I've been hurtful and cut off and distant.
I have to be
No one can change this, no one can fix how they interact with me.
I've felt broken and immature around all of my old friends, and finally, I've found a mend
hiking. camping. climbing.
working out this ridiculous shell until I feel inside and out that I am ready to expose myself to this world again.
you might see this as harsh
but I see 20 years of exsistance that have been damn neer wasted.
I'm moving out, waking up, working out, covering my skin in lessons of ink, and battling my way to the top
the top of my own mountain
I'm not traveling for anyone but myself anymore.

You're what keeps me believing.

I hope you know how much you mean to me
If not, I will tell you til the day my words stop working
and I'll hold you and touch you until my arms loose feeling

I will walk how ever many steps you demand
follow even the slightest point of your hand
play with your hair until you fall asleep
and write you poetry until my fingers bleed

because you broke my bad habbits
I mend your cut fingers
we go together like celery and penut butter
we spill out our secrets and let the feelings linger

because we're flawed and messy
broken and stiched
we make eachother feel better, my freind

even if it kills me.

I might have already stated this countless times, but putting myself infront of others is possibly the hardest thing to do.
It's the correct thing, and strong, but extreamly difficult to do. I will get stronger, I will pull through, the world will keep rotating.
I just have to put one foot infront of the other, open my mouth, and say what I need to say.
This is the right thing to do
it always has been.